El albergue

El albergue

Monday, May 5, 2014

On waiting

Here I find myself, waiting again. It’s interesting, isn’t it? When going into a period of transition, change, etc, I always tend to focus on all the grand possibilities stretching out before me, like a mountain of fruit I can just reach out and pick from. As though I was the farmer and could actually make the decisions. Hah!

It’s true enough that at times the onus of decision-making really does rest entirely with me, but by that time the large medley of delicious fruits has been whittled away to more of a saucer with a couple plums singly rolling around on it. And then there are the times like right now, when I have been furrowing rows, planting seeds, and watching little shoots begin to grow. The only thing is, it’s not my farm, and I’m not the one who gets to decide which plants I get to pick from, much less when it’s time to harvest.

The nice thing about all this waiting time though, is that it has given me the chance to think, reflect, and realize. First thing I realized was that “Be still and know that I am God” was kind of playing out across my days without me even seeing it. How better to be still than to not have a job? To know that God is there than to trust him with every step of an ongoing and seemingly fruitless job search?

The second thing I realized was that this time of waiting has not in fact been fruitless. I’ve seen that every moment of our lives plays a part in forming who we are and what the rest of our existence is going to look like, even times like this when we are forced into waiting. I’ve seen that this time of stillness has been teaching me a lot – humility, generosity, hospitality, and trust, among other things – both through experience and the example of people like my brother and his wife.  And I’ve seen how ideas and dreams inside me have grown and developed in ways I never imagined. Who knows which of them will eventually come to fruition and to what degree, but hey, at least they’ve had time and space to flourish.

So whether or not a smorgasbord of bright and shining opportunities comes my way soon, I know I’ve already pocketed a few cherries, fruit I doubt I would have had time to find if I had not been here waiting.

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