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El albergue

El albergue

Monday, September 10, 2012

Funny Business


Today marks the beginning of my second week at my new internship at Hot English magazine here in Madrid. It’s an educational magazine geared towards people who are learning or maintaining their English, so the level of reading difficulty isn’t very high, and there’s lots of pedagogical stuff mixed in there.

As an editorial intern with the magazine, I get to do lots of random things like write up recipes, transcribe audio recordings, do research, write articles, fact check, and… look up jokes! There are always a couple of longer jokes in every issue, and I guess after so many issues the editor has started to run out of new material. One of my jobs is to find fresh stuff for him.

So, I decided to share the hilarity. Here are a couple of my favorite ones that I’ve found so far. I hope you enjoy!
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Barry and Hannah, an old married couple, are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death, etc. "Honey," says Barry, turning to his wife, "If want you to promise me that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to put an end to it." "No problem, honey," said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain.

Harry and Barbara's marriage has been on the rocks for a while, so when they hear about a marriage seminar being given in the neighborhood they decide to attend. "One of the most important things in marriage," says the speaker, "is to get to really know your spouse well. For example, how many of you know what's your wife's favorite type of flower?" Harry leans over to Barbara and whispers, "It's Gold Medal All-Purpose, isn't it?"

Farmer Joe was in an accident with a semi truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was question him. "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'"
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident that you were fine?"
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer, and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
But by this time, the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck ran the stop sign and smacked my truck in right in the side. I was thrown in one ditch and Bessie was thrown in the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after, a highway patrolman came to the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then he came over to me with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"

As a first grade teacher, I often hear from my students things going on in their family. Harry’s mother was expecting, and naturally Harry was very excited about it. When one day Harry stopped talking about it I was concerned and questioned him why. “Well”, Harry said, “My mother told me I could feel the baby moving in her stomach, I think she ate it!”

Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t” responded John, “don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.” “Aah that sign,” said Jim “don’t worry about it” and taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walked up to the door. As he tried walking into the restaurant he got stopped at the door, “sorry no pets allowed.” Can’t you see” said Jim “I am blind, this is my seeing eye dog.” But it’s a Doberman pincher, who uses a Doberman pincher as a seeing eye dog?” the man asked “Oh,” Jim responded “you must have not heard, this is the latest type of seeing eye dog, they do a very good job.” Seeing that it worked, John tried walking in with his Chihuahua. Even before he could open his mouth, the doorman said, “Don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of seeing eye dog.”
Thinking quickly John responded in an angry voice “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”

One day a college professor was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a moron, and if they were, they should stand up. After a minute a young man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a moron. The kid replied, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

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